Flirty, Fearless, and Finally Figuring Out My O’s

Let’s talk about it, ladies...he big “O.”

For years, I thought my body was broken. Movies, books, even that one super chatty friend all made it seem like orgasms were supposed to happen effortlessly during penetrative sex, like magic. Meanwhile, I was lying there, doing complicated mental math, trying to figure out why everyone else seemed to have cracked the code and I was still... waiting. Spoiler alert: I wasn’t broken. I just needed to take a detour, one that led me straight to myself, literally.

Society has this idea that sex = penetration = fireworks.

But let’s be honest: sometimes it’s more like a sparkler that never lights. And that’s okay. Turns out, a lot of women don’t orgasm from penetration alone (like 70%—hello, majority!). Once I learned that little nugget of wisdom, it was like the clouds parted, and I could finally stop pretending that missionary was giving me anything other than a workout.

This realization was step one in my journey to figuring out my pleasure. Step two? Getting hands-on.

If you’ve ever felt weird about you know, doing the thing, let me just tell you: there is absolutely no shame in solo play. In fact, once I let go of all the outdated, guilt-inducing nonsense I’d been carrying around, I started seeing self-pleasure for what it is, an exploration.

I started small, just me and my hands, figuring out what felt good. I also welcomed a trusty little toy into the mix (shoutout to vibrators for being literal lifesavers). It didn’t take long to figure out that

clitoral stimulation was the MVP of the pleasure game.

And guess what? That knowledge gave me so much confidence not just in bed, but in life.

Once I got comfortable with myself, I realized something huge: if I could talk to me about what I liked, I could talk to my partner too. The first conversation wasn’t exactly smooth. I might’ve turned bright red and stumbled over the word “clitoris” like a middle schooler in health class. But guess what, it helped my partner understand my needs better.

It turns out, partners want to know what works for you. They’re not mind readers (shocking, I know), and being able to say,

“Hey, this feels amazing, let’s do more of that!”?

Listen, we’re all about self-care these days, right? Face masks, bubble baths, journaling… Why not throw an orgasm into the mix? Masturbation is like the ultimate form of self-love, it’s free, it’s fun, and it has a ton of benefits. Stress relief? Check. Better sleep? Check. Glowing skin? Okay, maybe not scientifically proven, but I’m convinced it gives you a glow.

I treat my solo time like any other part of my wellness routine. Sometimes it’s quick and spontaneous; other times, it’s a full-blown ritual with candles, music, and a vibrator that charges faster than my iPhone.

Here’s the thing: we’ve been taught to tiptoe around the topic of female pleasure, like it’s some secret we’re not supposed to talk about. But why? It’s 2025, and the world is already complicated enough without us feeling weird about our own bodies.

So…I’m here to tell you, pleasure is yours to explore. Masturbation isn’t just a backup plan for when your partner isn’t around; it’s a gateway to understanding what makes you feel amazing. And once you know what you like?

That confidence ripples out into every area of your life.

The bottom line if you’re still trying to figure things out in the orgasm department, don’t stress, you’re not alone, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. Take a little time to get to know yourself, no pressure, no judgment, just curiosity. At the end of the day, no one knows your body better than you do.